You know when you know something is wrong but you just can’t seem to quit it. I mean you hear all this stuff about if it’s meant to be it’ll be, if its true it’ll come back or sometimes you have to move past to see better or ignore or whatever it is they say. I’m trying to go according to this little voice in my head that says that things will work out according to “the script”. The script ofcourse is a fairytale. You like the romance novels where in the end ‘true love’ overcomes all and finds it’s home. Unfortunately for me I have no idea the plotting or the climax or the breaking points or commercials of this supposed “script” written customary to me, so I go along, according to my own script, which by all means favours me. A little reality thinking here and there for the sake of a less dramatic ending or perhaps an even more interesting one.
I’ve realized there’s always a choice, the outcome however isn’t exactly your fault. Some circumstances of situations and our emotions toward them are sometimes beyond our control. The more you force yourself to be something or someone that you’re not, doesn’t always make you feel better or protect you from the truth or your want for revenge, but rather it taints the soul; You as an individual. First it becomes a
“just this once”, then it becomes an “it can’t be so bad” and the stage more severe to the point where your ability to care and think fairly and with sense fades and your guilty conscience begins to weaken.
To what point have I gotten? I can’t exactly say, but I know for a fact that my guilty conscience is still intact and as much as I try to ignore it and the warnings and cautions, I know good and well using my heart is not suppose to be an option. At this point in time at least. I don’t know what exactly I’m trying to prove. and even if I did, then what? Fate, for those who believe in it, is just going to have it’s way in the end.